Birth from a Dad’s point of view - Rob’s Story
Rob came to me to ask if he could do a course with me on his own! I honestly think this has been one of my favourite courses to teach. His partner has some previous health issues and health related anxiety and didn’t feel like a hypnobirthing antenatal course was the right thing for her to do. So to make sure he could support her in the best possible way, be her best advocate and help her make decisions if needed, Rob came to me to get himself informed. This way he could drip feed the information to his partner in the way he knew would be best for her and I was more than happy to help. This is the story of the birth of Baby A, from Rob’s perspective.
We were 41 + 1 when contractions started around 2 am. We happened to have a sweep booked that at 1 pm day and when we got there it turns out that the membrane was already away from the cervix so all we got was confirmation that things were happening.
Two 10 minute walks, a mint tea and slice of cake in a café, two movies and hours of snuggles later and we were approaching active labour, this was around 11 pm.
The midwife I call to say we’re on our way doesn’t believe me and tells me to stay home because Jessie is convinced that labour should be harder than this so downplays her symptoms when she gets put on the call. In the end I trust my gut instinct and drive us in anyway… Jessie is 7 cm dilated when we arrive at around midnight.
I am glad I trusted my instinct as we could have ended up with a delivery at home without any midwife!!!
The midwife in the room with us was amazing. When things don’t go by the book Nikki, our midwife, just rolls with it and convinces Jessie that everything is fine, something that was incredibly important for her and her history.
Jessie is unintentionally pushing early with each contraction at around 9 cm dilated.
We jump in the pool and Nikki guides Jessie through the contractions. All I can do is hold her hand, keep the tunes flowing and give a sip of flat Lucozade between contractions.
After an hour of pushing the head still isn’t coming out so we move to the bed.
No doctors are available to help so it’s just us, Nikki and now a senior midwife as well.
Midwives can see that Jessie is pushing well but baby is at a funny angle so it’s harder for the head to emerge. Jessie keeps pushing and by two hours she is exhausted and baby’s pulse isn’t recovering between contractions. More midwives are called in to help as no doctors are available.
We opt for an episiotomy for the baby’s health. On the contraction/push with the cut baby’s head pops out and on the next contraction he is born.
Jessie only holds him for a matter of minutes though, as she is bleeding a lot from the episiotomy.
The cord is clamped while Jessie naturally births the placenta.
Finally, we get two doctors as well as the extra midwives. It takes them about an hour to do the internal stitches properly and stop the bleeding.
I end up taking off my shirt and holding baby A for the golden (half) hour in skin to skin. I try to keep Jessie calm and just distract Jessie from the doctors, just talking about how amazingly she did.
In the end she lost a pint and a half of blood through the episiotomy.
Baby A was born at 04.04am at 41 + 2 weeks. He and placenta were both 4 kg (8 lb 12 oz) and he was 57 cm tall.
Once Jessie was stitched, she has Baby A in her arms as much as she can. She’s barely slept for 48 hours and given birth yet is wired enough that she goes all day just caring for him.
We get moved to the ward for doctors to keep an eye on her after the blood loss overnight. The great thing about that was having three midwives all with different breastfeeding advice all spend time with Jessie. She’s a pro at feeding by the time we leave the next day.
I don’t think our birth experience could have been anywhere near as smooth without your help.
The short labour, in part, I put down to creating an oxytocin haven and keeping Jessie gently moving throughout the day. I needed a full understanding of the process to know when to push back on midwives and when to listen. We may well have had an unassisted home birth if we did what we were told initially.
During the active labour I think I made a pretty decent cheer leader and water boy and that came from knowing ahead of time what Jessie’s needs would be. Our Plan A was to have Baby A on Jessie for the Golden Hour. Having a Plan B really helped when that wasn’t possible.
Knowing what both mum and baby needed immediately after the birth really helped, too.
At the time of writing this we are on day 9. He’s a champ. Always happy with a belly full of milk and a clean nappy. He sleeps well in a cot, car seat and even pram on dog walks. Jessie is exhausted as she is breast feeding so hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since those 2 am contractions 10 days ago. She’s dedicated to responsive feeding though even with the demanding cluster feeds, and baby A seems really content the rest of the time.
By day 3 or 4 he had dropped 280 g (7 % body weight). We were hoping for a 20 g gain by day 6 and he had gained 160 g!!! Jessie really is feeding him well. Breast milk is also being used like Germolene for baby and mum.
Anyway, I thought I’d share a bit of our birthing experience and how impactful the course was. Thanks again!!!
This birth story is so powerful, proving that even if birth takes a bit of a different path to the one we want it to, things can still be a good experience and having a Plan B is so important. Thank you so much for sharing your story Rob, and hopefully other birth partners will be inspired to be the best birth partner they can be in their story too.
If you want to make sure your birth partner is as ready for birth as you are, check out my next group hypnobirthing course dates or we can do a private hypnobirthing course. Or alternatively, if your circumstances are a little bit more complicated, like Rob’s drop me a message and we can work out what is best for you!